Tougher thank you think

Justin during our 5 mile run .He did great today he didn't get really tired until we hit four miles. He never ate breakfast,had the wrong shoes 0n and we didn't bring enough water so, considering that, he did super.

We are training to run a 5K at the end of august, he will actually be back in school when we run it. I just hope we stay motivated and don't get injured. I think we both need new shoes.

DEPRESSION IS THE WARDEN OF MY PRISON

Today I am feeling blue. I didn't do any exercise and I ate the wrong foods. Not a good combination for me. Depression likes to grab hold of me if it can; today it got me. Everyday is a battle just to participate in life because depression is a cozy warm bed that wants me to climb in , pull the covers over my head and stay. Depression is a bully, it calls me names like loser and failure and fool. Depression is the warden of my prison and he wants me to serve out a life sentence. Depression's best friends are fear and insecurity and he often invites them to the party.When Depression wants a day off from lurking in the shadows of my mind he sends in his maven, Anxiety and she is so good at her job.She isn't subtle; she doesn't waste too much time lurking in the shadows, she usually shows up like a bolt out of the blue, boldly and swiftly taking out her target. She gets right to work and her job is to paralyse me with fear and simultaneously make me want to run away. It's hard to run away from ones self .
    I will force myself to end this post on a positive note with a quote from one of my favorite fictional optimists Anne Shirley - "Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it."

hitting the road

10:16 a.m and I am on the road. Here is a picture I took of a really pretty spot I run by. The photo really doesn't do it justice. I think I did good this morning I felt strong and even though I am not sure what percentage of jogging I did on my hour and fifteen minute walk I pushed myself and surprised myself at how much I could do. I even jogged up some hills. I didn't have my beloved MIO heart rate monitor watch with me because it is malfunctioning right now and I can't believe how much I miss it. Maybe it was a good thing because I tend to obsess about my heart rate and am constantly taking my pulse. Just down the road from this spot in the picture. A loud trash truck stopped to make a pick up and a huge,chocolate lab came charging right at me as I was standing between him and what I suppose was his intended target, the beastly trash truck ,but he glanced briefly at me and I could tell what he was thinking "After I slay this dragon you're next honey. " I then did something very embarrassing, I froze on the spot,put my hands up by my ears and screamed; not a blood curdling scream, but a high pitched squeaky, stifled, scream , like I had just seen a mouse and was freaking out about it. I was saved by the gallant doggie- treat -wielding truck driver who cleverly threw the hound a cookie and therefor buying me time until the dog's owner came out and grabbed hold of her "precious. "If I had my wits about me I would have taken a picture, maybe next time. I thanked the man and for some reason apologized to the dog's owner (why not the dog too?), turned the corner and ran up the road in the lingering putrid air left behind by the trash truck I was now following,I can't complain.

Old Sturbridge Village

Justin and I really enjoy going to Old Sturbridge Village. www.osv.org We tend to visit in the fall when the weather is much cooler,cold even , because we love the smell of the wood smoke coming from the fires in all the buildings and the piles of apples on the ground in the orchard. I think will will however visit there soon, maybe this weekend if the weather isn't unbearably hot like it has been. I am anxious to see what flowers and herbs are in bloom now. We went there on Mother's day and the tulips and flowering trees were gorgeous.

I found the following somewhere on the internet yesterday and I am sorry to say that I do not remember where I copied it from but I am adding it to my post because I can really relate.

Ever notice how easy it is to find fault in others? There are plenty of timeless metaphors for this very human phenomenon - from the pot calling the kettle black, to the Biblical “take the log out of your own eye so you can see the speck in your brother’s eye,” to those in glass houses should not throw stones.
I hear the playground war stories from my children…who was mean to whom, who called so-and-so a name, who wouldn’t share, who wouldn’t let them play, etc. And I know it in my own life, in my own so-called grown-up heart, when I feel attacked or slighted or ignored. Sometimes criticism can be an invitation to growth, especially when the critic speaks truth with deep knowledge and love. Other times, particularly when a mean-spirited person is just getting their kicks or nursing their own insecurities, it serves no good purpose at all.
I console myself the same way I comfort and bolster my children. I remind them that the best way not to get picked on is to do nothing. Be nothing, learn nothing, do nothing, stand for nothing, and talk to no one. I say this with a smile.
“But Mom,” they say, “that’s really boring.”
“Exactly.”
A surefire way to get picked on is to speak up, act out, try new things, make mistakes, say what you feel, risk, reach out, put it out there, have opinions, ask questions, be deliberate, be hasty, be vulnerable, be real.
An image comes to mind of an overweight person running…red-faced, perspiring, angled shorts surely chafing, slowly working their way around the track. Would any runner, worth the salt on their sweaty face, scoff? Are you kidding me? No way. When I see someone like this, I smile and nod like I do anytime a runner passes by. Except in this case, on the inside I am cheering. Any runner knows how hard it is to begin, to motivate and to fight inertia. Our instinct as runners is to encourage.
And most runners carry this same sentiment even out of the shower and into normal clothes. And that is the gift we share, our offering to the world, especially to those who cannot run a mile (or 3, 6, 13, 26.2) in our shoes, so to speak.
I keep a quotation from writer/comedian Katie Goodman, ripped out of a magazine and framed in a dog bone-shaped frame, on my desk in my office. I read it any time I need to “throw myself a bone.” It says: There will invariably be people who do not accept you. And in that case you must be your own badass self, without apology.
Wink.


It is meant to be an inspirational piece I know but it left me somewhat depressed.Because I realized that I've been a "Nothing" my whole life, be nothing, stand for nothing, do nothing ,all to be on the safe side, to not rock the boat or invite criticism. My son Justin recently ran for class president but did not win the election. His best friend won and Justin was a terrific sport about it. I haven't told him how proud I am of him just for trying. I think it takes a ton of courage to take a chance like that. It is something that I would have never had the courage to do.I hope he continues to try new things no matter how hard or scary they seem. He already is a "something"