Last Day of 2008

No work today , it is way too blizzardy out there. I haven't even seen a plow go by yet. I think it will snow straignt throught the night. I should be cleaning or doing something productive right now but I am already in "January mood" that is what I call the kind of depressed mood I get in every year about this time. I know it is coming but I am never able to avoid it. It has a lot to do with the after Christmas let down and the fact that my birthday is in January, another year older, I hate to even think about it and yet I want a pretty birthday cake, something pink.

I am noticing in this picture of Justin and me how much we look alike, he is actually taller than he looks because he is crouching down. I am also noticing all the clutter on top of the fridge.I will need to attack it later.

Jubilee Roll

At the end of a hectic and stressful week I was doing a mad rush in the grocery store. I had forgotten my list, no surprise, I don't know why I even write one out as I inevitably misplace it. Anyway, without the list I was doing what could be called the grocery store ballet, a lot of pirouetting and running up and down aisles as I remember what I needed was seven rows back, except lacking a ballerina's grace and beauty it was more of a grocery store slam dance. Ramming my cart into "end cap" displays of Little Debbie snacks and bumping into other shoppers(smile and say sorry).

Well, there I was rapidly whirling in the frozen food section when I noticed it: the Friendly's Jubilee Roll. I stopped whirling, stared and stood as frozen as the frozen food and then much to my embarrassment started to cry , I hid it of course by getting very interested in the junk in my cavernous purse. The sight of the box suddenly made me miss my Dad. When I was a kid he would bring a Jubilee Roll home usually before Christmas and it was a treat that I looked forward to so much. I suppose it was not the memory of guilt-free eating of ice cream or the taste of the roll itself that got to me. (I don't even remember if it was very good).It was the memory of my dad and a time when I didn't feel life's pressures like I do now ; like I was feeling that day in the store. It reminded me that it really is the little things in life that touch us the most. It might be a stranger complementing your outfit or your husband pouring you coffee or your dad bringing home an ice cream treat.

Country fairs and Cookies

Country fairs and cookies. Today the weather was beautiful, perfect to be outside with family at a country fair. below is a picture of my niece Adrienne and me acting silly in front of the cookie cottage. Adrienne bought so many cookies she needed a box to transport the delicate beauties. Left is Nick,Adrienne and Kate trying on hats at the craft fair.Above is Justin and our awesome friend Syb on the porch of the cookie cottage.

August 5 K

Finally I am updating my blog. Justin and I ran in this 5k it was hot and it was tough but we finished (not last ). We are going to WALK in the upcoming (october) 5 mile Apple walk for diabeties. I don't have any pictures from the 5 k because we forgot to bring the camera so I photographed the T shirt.

Summer time

beginning in spring and throughout the fall I measure time in flowers. It is exciting to me to see the very first crocuses early in the year, some of them so impatient to feel the sun that they push their heads up through the cold, mushy snow. Summer rushes by too fast and I am always shocked when the sunny black eyed susans and purple cone flowers are in full bloom. Can the dog day's of summer be here already? Next month the fields will be replete with the warm glow of golden rod and burgundy joe-pye-weed which will eventually succumb to a dark rusty brown, but there will still be the bright grand finale of hardy mums in all my favorite autum colors.

WATERSLIDES

Last week I took Justin and his friend Chris to the water

slides at Breezy picnic grounds. They had a great time and it was as the name suggests; breezy. They went up and down the slides like crazy and the beach on the reservoir was very clean. I was thinking I would maybe go down one of the slides but totally chickened out when I saw them. There was supposed to be a slide show on this post but I can't get it to upload. If I ever figure it out I will add it.

Justin's Birthday

Here is a picture of Justin with cousins and friends at his birthday party. The planning was sort of last minute but sometimes impromptu events are the most fun. we played wiffle ball (the competitors were fierce) and went inside when it got dark to play Apples to Apples ( the competition grew even more fierce). If you have never heard of Apples to Apples I highly recommend it and the more players the better, it is a hilarious card game, we love it.

Tougher thank you think

Justin during our 5 mile run .He did great today he didn't get really tired until we hit four miles. He never ate breakfast,had the wrong shoes 0n and we didn't bring enough water so, considering that, he did super.

We are training to run a 5K at the end of august, he will actually be back in school when we run it. I just hope we stay motivated and don't get injured. I think we both need new shoes.

DEPRESSION IS THE WARDEN OF MY PRISON

Today I am feeling blue. I didn't do any exercise and I ate the wrong foods. Not a good combination for me. Depression likes to grab hold of me if it can; today it got me. Everyday is a battle just to participate in life because depression is a cozy warm bed that wants me to climb in , pull the covers over my head and stay. Depression is a bully, it calls me names like loser and failure and fool. Depression is the warden of my prison and he wants me to serve out a life sentence. Depression's best friends are fear and insecurity and he often invites them to the party.When Depression wants a day off from lurking in the shadows of my mind he sends in his maven, Anxiety and she is so good at her job.She isn't subtle; she doesn't waste too much time lurking in the shadows, she usually shows up like a bolt out of the blue, boldly and swiftly taking out her target. She gets right to work and her job is to paralyse me with fear and simultaneously make me want to run away. It's hard to run away from ones self .
    I will force myself to end this post on a positive note with a quote from one of my favorite fictional optimists Anne Shirley - "Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it."

hitting the road

10:16 a.m and I am on the road. Here is a picture I took of a really pretty spot I run by. The photo really doesn't do it justice. I think I did good this morning I felt strong and even though I am not sure what percentage of jogging I did on my hour and fifteen minute walk I pushed myself and surprised myself at how much I could do. I even jogged up some hills. I didn't have my beloved MIO heart rate monitor watch with me because it is malfunctioning right now and I can't believe how much I miss it. Maybe it was a good thing because I tend to obsess about my heart rate and am constantly taking my pulse. Just down the road from this spot in the picture. A loud trash truck stopped to make a pick up and a huge,chocolate lab came charging right at me as I was standing between him and what I suppose was his intended target, the beastly trash truck ,but he glanced briefly at me and I could tell what he was thinking "After I slay this dragon you're next honey. " I then did something very embarrassing, I froze on the spot,put my hands up by my ears and screamed; not a blood curdling scream, but a high pitched squeaky, stifled, scream , like I had just seen a mouse and was freaking out about it. I was saved by the gallant doggie- treat -wielding truck driver who cleverly threw the hound a cookie and therefor buying me time until the dog's owner came out and grabbed hold of her "precious. "If I had my wits about me I would have taken a picture, maybe next time. I thanked the man and for some reason apologized to the dog's owner (why not the dog too?), turned the corner and ran up the road in the lingering putrid air left behind by the trash truck I was now following,I can't complain.

Old Sturbridge Village

Justin and I really enjoy going to Old Sturbridge Village. www.osv.org We tend to visit in the fall when the weather is much cooler,cold even , because we love the smell of the wood smoke coming from the fires in all the buildings and the piles of apples on the ground in the orchard. I think will will however visit there soon, maybe this weekend if the weather isn't unbearably hot like it has been. I am anxious to see what flowers and herbs are in bloom now. We went there on Mother's day and the tulips and flowering trees were gorgeous.

I found the following somewhere on the internet yesterday and I am sorry to say that I do not remember where I copied it from but I am adding it to my post because I can really relate.

Ever notice how easy it is to find fault in others? There are plenty of timeless metaphors for this very human phenomenon - from the pot calling the kettle black, to the Biblical “take the log out of your own eye so you can see the speck in your brother’s eye,” to those in glass houses should not throw stones.
I hear the playground war stories from my children…who was mean to whom, who called so-and-so a name, who wouldn’t share, who wouldn’t let them play, etc. And I know it in my own life, in my own so-called grown-up heart, when I feel attacked or slighted or ignored. Sometimes criticism can be an invitation to growth, especially when the critic speaks truth with deep knowledge and love. Other times, particularly when a mean-spirited person is just getting their kicks or nursing their own insecurities, it serves no good purpose at all.
I console myself the same way I comfort and bolster my children. I remind them that the best way not to get picked on is to do nothing. Be nothing, learn nothing, do nothing, stand for nothing, and talk to no one. I say this with a smile.
“But Mom,” they say, “that’s really boring.”
“Exactly.”
A surefire way to get picked on is to speak up, act out, try new things, make mistakes, say what you feel, risk, reach out, put it out there, have opinions, ask questions, be deliberate, be hasty, be vulnerable, be real.
An image comes to mind of an overweight person running…red-faced, perspiring, angled shorts surely chafing, slowly working their way around the track. Would any runner, worth the salt on their sweaty face, scoff? Are you kidding me? No way. When I see someone like this, I smile and nod like I do anytime a runner passes by. Except in this case, on the inside I am cheering. Any runner knows how hard it is to begin, to motivate and to fight inertia. Our instinct as runners is to encourage.
And most runners carry this same sentiment even out of the shower and into normal clothes. And that is the gift we share, our offering to the world, especially to those who cannot run a mile (or 3, 6, 13, 26.2) in our shoes, so to speak.
I keep a quotation from writer/comedian Katie Goodman, ripped out of a magazine and framed in a dog bone-shaped frame, on my desk in my office. I read it any time I need to “throw myself a bone.” It says: There will invariably be people who do not accept you. And in that case you must be your own badass self, without apology.
Wink.


It is meant to be an inspirational piece I know but it left me somewhat depressed.Because I realized that I've been a "Nothing" my whole life, be nothing, stand for nothing, do nothing ,all to be on the safe side, to not rock the boat or invite criticism. My son Justin recently ran for class president but did not win the election. His best friend won and Justin was a terrific sport about it. I haven't told him how proud I am of him just for trying. I think it takes a ton of courage to take a chance like that. It is something that I would have never had the courage to do.I hope he continues to try new things no matter how hard or scary they seem. He already is a "something"